My experience: Women's Conference 2009

I must say that the whole experience of Women's Conference was absolutely incredible! A very humbling, teaching and awesome experience. When I first got the letter back in December to speak at Women's Conference, the first thing I asked was, "Why me? What do I have to offer? I am just a normal person!" I was very surprised at being asked to speak and seriously doubted my abilities. On top of that, I learned that Jill Stevens Shepherd was to be my speaking partner. Do you guys know who that is? The name rings a bell, right? Ya, she was Miss Utah in 2007 and a combat medic over in the fight in Afghanistan. She is an awesome, wonderful person. But, I was a little bit intimidated. She had a story to tell, she had life experiences to share. I was just a regular old person, with no real remarkable story. What was I going to share? At that point in the game, I had no idea.

After deliberating and praying and fasting for months (I didn't fast for months at a time...you know what I mean) I finally knew what I was supposed to speak about. I was assigned a topic, but it was a very broad topic and there were many different angles that could be explored. I kept going back and forth and back and forth and wondering and asking and praying. Then, the peace came. I knew that Heavenly Father would help me do this. And, he did. I felt inspired, I felt impressed as to what to write. He helped me write my talk and he gave me the confidence to know that it was good and it was what he wanted me to say. There is no better feeling than to sit down at the computer and just begin typing and having the words come. My talk was about 75% complete.

Then, Boston came. Brett had the opportunity to go to a medical conference in Boston and invited me to come along with him. Can you say FUN???? We are so blessed to have my parents and Brett's parents both close enough to help us with our kids. So, we decided to go. We were gone for about a week, AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! Seriously. We had a blast! Boston is one of the coolest places to go and I must say the FOOD there, is to die for! No joke! While Brett was gone at classes, I had the hotel room to myself to ponder and put the finishing touches on my talk. I felt so excited about what I would be presenting. What a great feeling!

Well, we got home from Boston early, early Wednesday morning. Women's Conference started Thursday, and I spoke on Friday. Let's just say that on Wednesday, I had a little nervous break down. I was trying to catch-up with everything: kids (we hadn't seen them in a week!); laundry, unpacking, cleaning up, finding an outfit, homework, etc.; and on top of all that, making sure my talk was ready. As I read and re-read my talk I started to doubt. My talk became so common to me. It was boring, it was dry. It wasn't funny or exciting. I almost got to the point that I hated my talk! I decided: "All I have to do is stand up there and read this talk. No one will care, and I will just be done. That will be it." Satan had done his job: fear, doubt, discouragement, all came in and I was taking the bait! I had forgotten my witness that my talk was from Heavenly Father and that it was what he wanted me to say. I had forgotten my witness from Him.

Well, I talked to my mom that day and she could tell that I was not feeling good about things. She asked me if I wanted to have her friend, Laureen (who also spoke, by the way) who is an editor, read my talk and give me any grammatical pointers. At this point, I was all for anything that could help my talk be better; as long as it just wasn't the advice that I needed to scratch everything and start from the drawing board!

Well, Laureen was so sweet to take time out of her busy day to help me. She got done reading the first page of my talk and looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Cami, this is beautiful." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I said, "Really? You really think so?" My mom had said the same thing earlier, but you know when your mom tells you something like, "You're so beautiful." You don't really believe her because you know she has to say it or that she would think you're beautiful, even if you are not. Anyway, Laureen said my talk was beautiful. Her words were kind of like a second witness to me. And it was a good teaching moment for me, too. I realized how many times I have received a witness from Heavenly Father and then second guess that witness or my answer. It has taught me a wonderful lesson: Hang on to that answer; that witness. Hang on to that peace. Don't forget the feelings of comfort. Don't forget the burning in your heart. It helped me decide that I was never going to depend or need a 2nd witness again. I was not going to let Satan get to me like that again. One witness, the first one, will be enough for me. The scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants 6:23 came to my mind: "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

So, there it was. I was ready to present. I was ready to give my talk. I was excited about it. I knew it was the message Heavenly Father wanted me to share. And do you know what I found? Remember earlier in my post, I worried about being just a 'regular person' who had no remarkable story to share? I found that was the key in uniting me with my audience. I was just like them. They could relate to me because they were just 'regular' people, too. We were all women, trying and striving to do our best.

Well, the day came, and I was SUPER nervous. I was jittery all morning. I had to go to the bathroom, seriously, like 20 times before I spoke. I asked Brett about the physiology of this and he said when we're nervous, all our body systems go into 'speed up' mode. I was 'processing' the water I was nervously guzzling all morning in record time! Julie Beck was the opening speaker that morning and she was fabulous. I love that woman. She is so down-to-earth and says it like it is. She is so inspiring. Her talk was on Nourishing and Protecting Home and Family. It is definitely worth a listen. Click here to listen when you're folding laundry or preparing dinner.

After President Beck was done, it was time to get ready. My talk was next!!!! We caught a shuttle outside the Marriot Center to take us to the Joseph Smith Building. By the time we got there, a line was already formed of people waiting to get inside! I was surprised because we still had an hour before our talks started! I snuck in and went to go to a room to prepare myself and have a prayer with Jill. I quickly glanced into the auditorium. Before hand I knew this auditorium was big-- it seats 850 people. But, man!!! Seeing it in person was.....let's just say, overwhelming!!! I picked my jaw up off the floor, went to the bathroom (again) and found Jill. We talked for a minute, had a prayer and she went to get seated. I, in the meantime had to figure out a way to calm myself down. I knelt and said a prayer asking for calmness in my mind and in my heart and in my voice. I stood up, and walked into the auditorium.

As I walked in, they had just started to let people in to be seated. I saw my mother; my mother-in-law, Marla; Laureen; my sister-in-law's; some great friends from my current ward; some great friends from the University Ward; some friends from the Bennion ward. I was thrilled to see all these familiar faces! I spent about 15 minutes taking pictures (which are now lost) and then, it was time to sit up on the stage and get ready.

Can I just tell you how bright those lights were? Wow. Blinding

Anyway, the lady who was over our session stood to introduce us. She gave a little background on both of us and I was just hoping that somehow she'd extend the 50-words-or-less synopsis I gave her to a short chapter of my life! I was so shaky! I said a quick prayer, and then heard the words, "And now we'll hear from our first presenter, Cami Rush."

I stood up, and started.

I have never felt so calm in my life. In any talk or lesson I've ever given, I have never felt so calm. I talked and cried and laughed. The spirit was there. Then, just like that, I was done.

After Jill spoke (which was wonderful, by the way....that girl has some skills and some great stories to share), I prepared myself to NOT be bombarded with people. I was facing the facts: Jill is a celebrity here in Utah. I knew a lot of people were there to see her, not me. I would just walk straight over to my family and embrace them and talk with them.

Well, I was not prepared for what happened. Women are such wonderful creatures. I had a line of women waiting to talk to me and tell me what they liked about my talk or what they learned or how it helped them. I was humbled. Heavenly Father knew their needs. He knew my needs. He helped us all. He helped us all at the same time. Truly, only a God can do that.

After I was done I had the most exhilarating feeling. I knew I had given the talk Heavenly Father wanted me to give. I learned from it. I helped others. The day ended with a wonderful talk by Elder L. Tom Perry and a closing hymn of "The Lord is My Light." As we-- 20, 000 or more women-- sang this song of praise to our Lord, it seemed as if my heart would burst. The joy and love I felt for my Father in Heaven and the Savior was indescribable. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! Then I noticed something: women around the Marriot Center were beginning to stand, to sing with all their hearts,

"The Lord is my light; then why should I fear?
By day and by night his presence is near.
He is my salvation from sorrow and sin;
This blessed assurance the Spirit doth bring.
[Chorus]

The Lord is my light;He is my joy and my song.
By day and by night he leads,He leads me along.

The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise,
Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies
Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.
Then how can I ever in darkness remain?
[Chorus]

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.
I know in his might I’ll conquer at length.
My weakness in mercy he covers with pow’r,
And, walking by faith, I am blest ev’ry hour.
[Chorus]

The Lord is my light, my all and in all.
There is in his sight no darkness at all.
He is my Redeemer, my Savior, and King.
With Saints and with angels his praises I’ll sing. "
[Chorus]

Tears sprung to my eyes from the words in verse 3, "The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength. I know in his might I'll conquer at length. My weakness in mercy he covers with power, and waking by faith, I am blest every hour." This is truly what happened to me. He had helped me. He had given me strength. I felt like he was saying, "Well, done! You did it! We did it!" He had helped me to truly succeed.

Women's Conference was wonderful. I hope as many of you as possible can go as often as you can. It is so inspired and so needed for us women today.

Thanks to all of you who helped and supported and prayed for me! I needed it and it worked! And since so many people have asked, I am posting my talk below. The transcripts are not up yet for this year, so it's not anywhere on the internet. So, it you'd like to read it, there it is.